self-less

everything that had happened had its own reason to it. maybe i am too emotional that makes me forget everything just in a moment. i felt so useless during that period of time. lots of questions mingled in my mind.
'what should i do if fail again?' 'who am i to him/her?' 'what will happened if i keep on being like this?' different kind of questions played into my mind. i do not know why is it so difficult for me to forget about the past and go on with life. everywhere i go remind me of the MEMORIES. sometimes i meet a person, he/she will resemble like him/her. isn't it weird or my own imagination. i'm so tired of the past but what can i really do. sometimes, i just hate myself for not giving a chance to him/her. i felt so guilty till now. i can't forgive myself for what i have done and i think they will also not forgive me. just a small mistake that lead to a big problem where a stupid decision was made.

each day is dull for me. the smile is just to cover the sadness but till when will i be smiling like this. i can still feel the stab in the back. it hurts but me myself cannot console my ownself. its hard for me to go through this life w/o them. but i endure and tell myself that i must be strong and not weak. haiz....
everything seems wrong..

the pain is excruciating. i can bear it anymore.


maybe they do not realise it but....
every minutes, seconds, hours, days and months is too important for me.
i need to do some soul searching about myself..
i just cannot find the exact time.

school, exams, teachers, friends...
makes my life too busy till i forget that i have things that suppose to be done immediately but till now its left undone. it show how useless am i.
oh god..

its fated to be like this...

10:05 PM ·