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Saturday, November 15, 2008
a long one

VITB!



That word SUCK! Want to know the meaning?


'VERY IRRITATING TOP BASTARD'





Hais. Everyday to face him makes me feel like puking. The looks of him makes me just SO HATE HIM SO MUCH!! But after all, I cant deny that without him there is NO me. I hate it whenever he keep making her cry. I dont deny that at times its my fault BUT do he ever have a heart or feelings?? All he knows is to listen to those crappers outside talking about how bad teenagers are these days BUT never he wants to listen to the GOOD side of us teenagers. What makes me DISLIKE him so much is that he called me names. I cant accept the FACT that he called me names. Have any of your fathers call you name? What do you feel?

Obviously, I feel super duper HURT. He turned me into a rebellious me. Which you people dont even want to know & see. I study so hard that I'm happy & proud to say that he brought me up well BUT at times everything & even my effort seems to be going DOWN THE DRAIN. Mixing with the wrong company?!? Never did I do that. All of my friends are those who cool, chill, study type & not forgetting that they are ever FUN. All his negative thought, at times makes me feel so down that I dont even realised that I've CRIED for the whole day. How pathetic that can be. Sick & tired of all those crap he been giving to me.

For all care, I will study hard & get myself into a poly that I've been wanting to get into. Hopefully that will help me to boost up my confident & to show him that I can be good at the same time rebellious. If that he wants from me. I prove him that I'm intelligent but a bluffer I'm NOT!

I can just explode anytime if he keep on pushing me up to my maximum. I've been controlling it since then. It be my worst if its to explode & I dint want that to happen. hais. Let it be NO TALKING & JUST KEEPING QUIET. So I will just give-in. I know that I should stand up for my own right. But at times SILENCE helps to solve everything that's tense maybe for now.

ps: all these family matters got nothing related to BF!

Oh great. I still miss him eventhough I've been meeting him up for the last few days eversince he's back from training at Taiwan. ARGH!! Two weeks separation makes me go ga-ga already. What else if I'm going for my attachment at KL. Its not a day to two but 3 weeks. It might seems like 3years. 3/4 of me dint want go for the attachment & another 1/4 is like 'GO Dee! For your future sake.' hais. Making a wise decision is so difficult. I got my FEAR. Fear of losing him. If that happen, I'm really sure that I will breakdown totally. I wont be able to take the pain. BUT TOUCHWOOD.. I love him so much. So much that he is SO MY EVERYTHING.

Eventhough there is this phrase saying;
'Dont make him your everything or you will regret.'

Somehow I dont really trust that sentence. It takes two hands to clap. I trust him. I'm happy. Switheart. Even I nvr say 'i love you' that often. I hope you knows that deep down in me, I love you so much. Nur.